Classified Ads

This is what happens when the classified ads in the newspaper go terribly wrong:

Our experienced mother will care for your child. Fenced yards, meals and smacks included.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

Wanted: hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted: man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.