Vanity License Plates

I got this in a daily humor e-mail today and thought it was pretty funny. I could easily see this one happening in Illinois too, as up until Governor George Ryan took over the state a few years back (although he's no longer governor and headed to prison instead), vanity plates were about the same price here.

In Virginia personalized license plates are very common, since the state only charges $10 for them. Many married couples will have both of their initials put on their license plates.

Today I saw the following plate DIA REA. If I were them, I probably would have reversed the order.

Cool line

This was a quote I got today in my e-mail:

Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.

Might not be a bad idea

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it absolutely amazing that the U.S government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and determine exactly what that cow ate. They can also track her calves right to their stalls, and tell you what kind of feed they ate.

But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around in their country, including people that are trying to blow up important structures in the U.S.

My solution is to give every illegal alien a cow as soon as they enter the country.

My brother would like this joke

This is from the Reader's Digest "Laugh Lines" September 2005 free e-mail they send out.

Going over our weekly training schedule one morning at our small Army garrison, we noticed that our annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second time, but that our semi-annual physical-fitness test was still on as planned.

"Does it bother anyone else?" one soldier asked, "that the Army doesn't seem concerned with how well we can shoot, yet is extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

Terrible Wife!

Whoever this woman is, she should be taken into the street and shot. This is from the Reader's Digest "Laugh Lines" September 2005 free e-mail they send out.

Jim's doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When Jim goes home to share the bad news with his wife, she asks what he wants to do with the little bit of time he has left.

"All I want," Jim tells his beloved wife, "is to spend my last few hours reliving our honeymoon." Which is exactly what they did.

But after four hours of blissful romance, she announces that she's tired and wants to go to sleep.

"Oh, come on," Jim whispers in her ear.

"Look," his wife snaps, "I've got to get up in the morning. You don't."

I guess someone's gonna be sleeping on the couch tonight...

I had trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead and asked my husband, "Oh no, have you seen this?"

"What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"

Hmmm...maybe the wrong approach?

Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."

I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.

Crusty Pottyhump--My New Name!

We all need a little stress-reliever today! This only takes a minute.

Please don't be a bore and ruin it. Send it on to everyone you know including the person that sent it to you. Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. And, if we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not. Here is your dose of humor...

A. Follow the instructions to find your new name.

B. Once you have your new name, put it in the subject box and forward it to friends and family and co-workers. Don't forget to forward it back to the person who sent it to you, so they know you participated. And don't go all adult - a senior manager is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer. The following is an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

A = Snickle
B = Doombah
C = Goober
D = Cheesey
E = Crusty
F = Greasy
G = Dumbo
H = Farcus
I = Dorky
J = Doofus
K = Funky
L = Boobie
M = Sleezy
N = Sloopy
O = Fluffy
P = Stinky
Q = Slimy
R = Dorfus
S = Snooty
T = Tootsie
U = Dipsy
V = Sneezy
W = Liver
X = Skippy
Y = Dinky
Z = Zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

A = Dippin
B = Feather
C = Batty
D = Burger
E = Chicken
F = Barffy
G = Lizard
H = waffle
I = Farkle
J = Monkey
K = Flippin
L = Fricken
M = Bubble
N = Rhino
O = Potty
P = Hamster
Q = Buckle
R = Gizzard
S = Lickin
T = Snickle
U = Chuckle
V = Pickle
W = Hubble
X = Dingle
Y = Gorilla
Z = Girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

A = Butt
B = Boob
C = Face
D = Nose
E = Hump
F = Breath
G = Pants
H = Shorts
I = Lips
J = Honker
K = Head
L = Tush
M = Chunks
N = Dunkin
O = Brains
P = Biscuits
Q = Toes
R = Doodle
S = Fanny
T = Sniffer
U = Sprinkles
V = Frack
W = Squirt
X = Humperdinck
Y = Hiney
Z = Juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny. And Bill Clinton's is: Boobie Frickenlips -- how appropriate is that!!!!