CleanLaughs

These are simply some CleanLaughs I get in a daily e-mail. It's been a while since I checked this e-mail account, so I've got quite a few piled up.

Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny hollers out, "Okay everyone in the house, please stand advised that I, Little Johnny Elvis Smith, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!"
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A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months.

He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency.

Among other questions he was asked, “What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?”

He thought for a moment and then said, “I would pass an offering plate.”

He got the job.
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A six year old said grace at family dinner one evening. "Dear God, thank You for the pancakes."

When he concluded, his mother asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken-pot-pie.

He smiled and said, "I thought I would check to see if He was paying attention."
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To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk. When she said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested that she keep their regular container and refill it with skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter asked one morning whether the milk was okay.

"Sure, it's fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been found out. "Why do you ask?"

The daughter explained, "Well, according to the expiration date, this milk expired two years ago!"
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This one, I e-mailed to my pastor. A couple of times in his sermons he has mentioned going golfing and how he really doesn't feel it's the sport for him because he doesn't think he should participate in a sport that makes him want to cuss:

Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, my brother and three other priests swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?"

"Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "Why?"

"Because," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language."